Living in Confusion

Living in confusion.......wishing things would be different....praying that my wishes come true...i wonder why they won't....am i not believing in us hard enough?.....or is it that you are preoccupied with someone else?.....i would rather it be the first not the latter but as usual luck is not on my side....so the latter it is.....i have waited long enough.....and i continue to wait....but there are no answers....just me in limbo waiting for some dramatic climax in our story as if we are in a novel.....but this is real life.....and either way i'm still stuck....so are you....wondering which one of us is going to let go first.....but we are hooked to each other.....we make it harder to let go when it should be so simple....its a neverending cycle.....what we have is unexplainable.....we choose not to define it.....but how can you define something that is forbidden.....you have someone else and I.....well I have noone.....he's just not that into me is what i tell myself.....but why won't i heed my own advice?......if i knew that answer, i wouldn't be writing this.......and if i didn't write this, you would never know.....I have come to accept that you and I will someday be.....that someday obviously is not today.....so i have to let you fly away as if you were a bird.....praying you will come back to me as if you were an angel sent from above.....but until that day comes, it's you and I just living in confusion.....

25 things to know about FevO that you did/didn't know

Got this idea from facebook and decided to put it on here......this is who i am....love me or leave me alone

1) I didn't learn a lot while in college, most of what i learned came from wikipedia.org (thanks go out to the genius who created it)
2) I love sci-fi movies
3) I love everything that has to do with History....especially North African and Middle Eastern.
4) For being a history major, i don't know a lot about Texas History.
5) I really want to teach in Japan.
6) The three times you should do as i say....when i'm sleepy, hungry and need to pee....please do not bother me, don't talk to me, just do as i say and all will be good.
7) I have been the U.S for 9 yrs.
8) I've lived in 2 African countries and the Middle East.
9) I speak proper English, i have an accent....i don't like it when people point these 2 things out......not that it makes me uncomfortable....just cause i want to say "ignorance is bliss"....but that would offend people so i just keep shut....usually...but then not.
10) I don't think i'll ever get married...if i do....i will be in my 30's.
11) I hate needles...i can't look @ the needle before, during or after getting a shot...i have no idea how i got my ears pierced 5 times
12) With that being said, i want to get my nose pierced badly...but mommy dearest would not be happy
13) I do watch the history channel
14) To a certain extent, i believe love is overrated
15) With that being said, I don't remember the last time i was in a relationship....matter of fact, never been in one....
15) My sis and me have been inseperable since she was born.
16) If i knew that i could definitely make a living out of writing that is exactly what i would do for the rest of my life
17) Besides teaching in Japan for a year, I want to make any city in Europe my permanent residence....preferably London or Amsterdam...
18) I used to be such a Party Animal....
19) I worry a lot about the people i love.....I worry a lot about things or people i can't change
20) I'm a sensitive soul....i take things personally....
21) I pray to God that when i do get married that it will the one and only time
22) With that being said, i pray to God that my bridesmaids throw me the greatest bachelorette party in the world....hint, hint ladies, you know who you are
23) I have been told that I'm too strong, too rude and too blunt for a man...been told i need a man to calm me down....the day that happens, hell must have broken loose.
24) I have a gained a greater appreciation for music over the past year or two
25) Some day, I will marry LUPE FIASCO........Until then, i will jam to him in the car and on the ipod constantly

Aging Gracefully

My 26th birthday is slowly approaching thus I'm going to be officially in my late 20s once Feb. 5th rolls around in exactly a week....i have no idea what i'm doing for my bday but thats besides the point of this blog.....i'm aging gracefully i must say....at least i think i am......anyway, the last couple of days have me reflecting on this past year.....and the past couple of birthdays......i was wasted for my 23rd, on a diet for my 24th and @ work on my 25th....my 25th was actually on Mardi Gras......besides the point, reflection is very much the key to life....
Since the time i was 7, my father has been missing from my birthdays......I realized that today actually...i had forgotten that he ever existed.....R.I.P......his absence has played a major impact on my life when it comes to my views of men and relationships.....i definitely have pushed many men away.....some deserved it while others deserved a chance.....the fact that im turning 26 and have never been in a serious relationship has been haunting me.....i really don't think there is anything wrong with me.......but i guess there is......i think im pretty attractive......
With all that being said, i do enjoy being single....i really do....i think the fact that everyone around me is getting engaged and married is freaking me out.....peer pressure is a bitch......i don't just want a boyfriend for the sake of having one.....i want the whole package.....but you have to be careful what you wish for....and i just don't want to share him with anyone.....hopefully thats not much to ask for....
I just want to continue aging gracefully...