If it was up to me

If it was up to me, my mom would be the Queen of Egypt, and i would be the courts official poet cause i was blessed by the God of the sun, moon and stars with the artistic ability to put words together and make something so intricate, so simple. My mom would be proud of her first born cause i would be nourshing our seemingly ignorant population with the knowledge of the ones that passed. If it was up to me, my mom would still be young with a husband who actually did not beat her because she took their kids on a trip since he could not do it. They would still be husband and wife, and I, would be their poetically inclined daughter recounting many books that i wrote, in my imagination, i would have seen my father before he passed to tell him what a punk he is, was and will continue to be. If it was up to me, i would have made sure that he didn't pick the easy way out, u see, death is the easy way out, but to me he died the day that i left him and never saw him again. To me he died, the day he gave up on the two daughters he had with this amazingly beautiful and strong Eritrean woman who would have done anything for their daughters. To me he died, like a man who had never lived therefore making him nonexistent in my existence. If it was up to me, i would be proud of who i am, my father's daughter but instead i deny the every drop of blood of his family in me cause he was never my father. If it was up to me, he would a joyous memory of love, hope and family but instead he becomes a memory that i want to flee cause he brings me nothing but heartache, despair and disillusion. If it was up to me, i would not be as cruel to him right now as he was to me.

Divide and Conquer: History repeats itself.

This piece needs a lot more work but here it goes!!!

History repeats itself i say. Divide and Conquer is the game they played cause they knew they could control our minds. Actually, we choose to let them control our feeble thinking brains, we listened to them tell us that light skin is the best skin and the lighter we are the cuter our kids will be. This is how we are conditioned to think, and the hypocrite in me believes it. 99 was a very good year for me cause i moved to the land of oppurtunity but i now know that this land has no oppurtunity for me cause i'm not white enough. i'm not black enough either. When i talk to someone of another race, i'm too black and when i talk to someone darker than me, i'm not black enough cause i have a CLIPPED british accent, at least that's what my boss told me when a couple of days ago a client complained to him about my GHETTONESS. So i stay confused cause i don't have an identity to give everyone else but what matters the most is that i know myself.
Its sad to say that i didn't learn much about history in class, most of what i learned came from reading books with historical accounts of the Beta Israel Jews that lived in Ethiopia for decades and no one knew of their existence because divide and conquer was the game that was played. Divide and conquer was the game that was played when Egyptians keep on thinking that they are Arab when they really are African cause they exist on the African continent and just where influenced by the Middle East. The reason for Darfur is divide and conquer because even Africans now think that they are better than other Africans when we are all facing the same problem: Divide and conquer.
You see, History repeats itself. The two major issues that have plagued the world since its existence have been religion and politics; they continue to remain so because the Christains believe that Muslims are harmful failing to realize that Islam is a peaceful religion; if they had read the Quran they would have known that. Colonialism has everyone bitter; Africans fightingover miniscule matters and ex-colonists laughing at the condition they left the nations.

I lose the one i love to Death!

i'm lost without you because you are me. my soul yearns for the one that it will lose since the day will come when me and you are no longer we. so what do we do? do we tie the knot knowing we are bound to lose each other to this play that we call our life. because this world is our stage and we are merely its characters. death finds all and death will make me lose you and you lose me. thus death is my enemy. i can overcome any enemy except for death. i guess that is why wedding vows state "till death do us part." can i marry u knowing that to death i will lose u??

Greekdom

The world of African American Greeks is really interesting because even as a Greek i feel like I don't belong. I'm an insider but also an outsider maybe because of the different levels in my personality. I have been a member of my prestigious sorority for almost 3 years now and I feel like so much has changed within the Greek World. I honestly believe that most people who have entered and will continue to enter the wonderful world of Greekdom are joining for the wrong reason. Strolling or Strutting is not all we do. Running our organizations is a business; if you are not business minded or not willing to learn how to run a business , then Greek Life is not for you. If you are not willing to attend community service, Greek Life is not for you. Now, if you have to work and pay your bills, if you had a test the day before and you really want to just sleep in this one Saturday, I completely understand. What I do not understand and refuse to understand is continuous tardiness or absences. You were present at every event and actually on time before you joined my organization, probably one of the reasons we picked you, so why is it that i have to call you every time we have an event to remind you of the event.
I have also noticed that people are joining Greek Life in order to attain some sort of status on their college campus. I want to understand their status while in college will help them get into the real world but it will be a distant dream in 6 months. Instead of asking what the organization can do for you, ask yourself what you can do for the organization.
So much more to say but not enough time, there will be a very detailed Part 2!!

Speaking=Art?

A close friend of mine once told me that i have been graced with the art of speaking. I quietly contemplate that everyday now. Is speaking an art?

The imperfection of the world and all its objects.

Amid singing praises for people that I honestly thought were doing well for themselves and the people around them, I'm disappointed again by the human being. Reality has set upon me so now I have accepted what I've always known, Noone is Perfect. Imperfection is what makes us human; I love imperfection because it makes me stand out from everyone else. If the world was perfect what would we ever learn from each other??? Imperfection can be both good and bad; when you see the bad like I have over the past month, that's when you tell yourself that actions speak louder than words and move on. I have also realized to defend only myself because you will again be disappointed by the ones you defend. People pick their battles, you can't fight their battles for them.
I have started making changes in my lifestyle; eating habits have completely changed. I need to be healthy; over the past 6 weeks I have lost 17 pds which is a great achievement for me because i had started to give up last year on the weight loss. 6 weeks ago is the biggest I've ever been. I remember sharing jeans with my sister in high school cause i fit them, now, i have to lose at least another 40 to get to my goal. Graduation is in August, looking forward to getting out of here. Hopefully Japan will workout because i really want to get away from here, somewhere far away from here, where no one knows who i am and i don't know them either.
I went out with the girls last night, had an alright time, realized that i don't like crowded places. I get easily paranoid, saw some familiar faces and got annonyed even more. I'm tired of the same crowd, sad part is that I don't even go out that much. The last time I was at a Grown and Sexy was January, now isn't that sad??? Been doing a lot more poetry lately, performance wise, i still got to polish my skills though. I also need to start writing more. Junichi has been a great inspiration because when he talks, you want to listen. I'm just tired of the ignorant people who cannot keep their mouths shut while people are speaking about women empowering women or how a man should treat a woman. People don't seem to appreciate the art of spoken word.
Four weddings this summer that I'm not ready for. Dresses, hair, makeup, shoes. All a hassle to put up a front. I ask myself, why all the buzz about somebody else's wedding????