what the world does to me

the world makes me change in a way i don't expect
like the process of aging
that really is getting to me
but i'm only 24
and i'm tired of partying!!
i'm tired of meeting new people, now that really is a big change!!
i get embarrased way easily now
i drink a lot less
weigh a lot more
stress a lot more and
date a lot less
change is funny
makes me wonder what i'll be like in the ten years
when the world continues to do what it does to me

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Life is hard.
I feel myself going into a rut again.
I really am complaining about things that i have no control over.
Death was the easy way out for him.
And he choose it so quickly.

Back to Black!!

U go back to her and i go back to black...... i fade away from ur memory so quick that our many adventures together become your many adventures with her......U go back to her and i go back to black..... ur ship has long sailed away but i still stand at bay waiting for u to come back....... U go back to her and i go back to black...... its like waiting at the airport for a loved one to arrive just to hear that their flight got cancelled......U go back to her and i go back to black.....all hope has done is leave me hopeless.......U go back to her and i go back to black....our future together has slippped through the cracks......U go back to her and i go back to black!!!

Continous cycle of depression!

i love my life as much as i hate it.
i'm tired.

Better.

I feel as if my week is off to a good start. Dropped Abby off at her internship @ 8:30 a.m and went walking with Adrienne. I feel energized eventhough i didn't get enough sleep last night. Went to class late but my teacher is cool, really laid back. Now i'm at work. Also weighed myself this morning and i believe i have gained 2 pounds. I'm not even frustrated about it because i know that i can correct it. I have adopted a lifestyle that is making me happy and i know that i will gain some pounds here and there; all i have to do is work on it. I'm @ 190 pds right now. I'm proud of what i have accomplished over the past few months. I haven't made time to write poetry in the past month or two; i don't want to force it. Most of the time i do way better with my writing when it comes naturally.
I was thinking about my family today; its funny how they try to protect from the world and end up harming u in the same instant.
Abby will have her car by next weekend i believe. I can take the Honda to the shop.
Very boring weekend, went to work and went to sleep. Friday night i was being pampered by my dear friend, Adrienne, she did my hair and i feel asleep @ her place. Was raining outside. Woke up @ 6 a.m to go home and get ready for work.
I want to use big words!!