An quiet Christmas!!

Usually for Christmas, we go to Houston to spend time with the whole fam but since Abby (my younger sis) and I had to work, we just went to Dallas to my uncle's house. My mom cooked some good Italian food for Christmas Eve and some even better Eritrean food for Christmas Day. We also went to see the other uncle which pissed me off because he still hasn't said shit about my dad's passing and it's been a year. The kids are so cute though. Naomi and Nate are going to be real cute when they get older. The year is coming to an end and i need to blog more often next year. I don't know what i'm doing for New Year's Eve since i have to work that day and on the 1st which is fine since i need the money to pay my bills. Graduation is quickly approaching and i need to test out of French so i can register for the rest of my classes. I'll probably smoke a hookah tonite with Abby since i don't have to work tomorrow. Hopefully i won't get called in and if i do its more money!!Besides the point, we went out with Eden this weekend and had a blast. I can't drink like i used to which is a good thing, i had a glass of wine, crown and coke and a beer, that was it, ended up throwing up when i got home. I felt so ugly when we were leaving the apartment cause my hair wouldn't cooperate and my weight has been bothering me even more lately. I have to make weight loss my New Year's resolution. i realized this weekend that my life needs to get better. I mean, its good right now, but i have to strive to make it better when i graduate. There are things i need to take care of like my mother, i don't want her to work for more than 2 years after i graduate, if she does, it just needs to be part time. My mom never lived her life because my dad crushed her but she is such a strong person. I wish i had her strength. she took care of us by any means neccessary and she is about to see us accomplish one of our dreams, graduating from college in May of 2007. The real world awaits.
Hopefully, the real world won't eat me alive!!

Just aimless poetry!!

distant but the rising sun makes my heart yearn for the ones from my past.
distant but the rising sun makes my heart yearn for the ones in my present.
distant but the rising sun makes my heart yearn for the ones in my future.
while my heart is yearning for more, the sun has rose and set, the day has come and gone and while my heart is yearning for more, the ones from my present have become the past and the ones from my future have become the present and i start to despise Father Time for that. while my heart is yearning for more, the sun has rose and set, and another day has come and gone and my many loves have become my many hates and my loved ones have passed to a better place and i start the despise Father Time for that. while my heart is yearning for more, the sun sets and gives me time to recuperate from the losses i suffered today. sleepless night i say. distant but the rising sun has graced upon me many blessings and downfalls because i make material things matter. why can't the clothes at Target be good enough??? Never enough, i want more but the distant but rising sun makes my heart yearn for nothing less than more!!! More loves, more hates, more clothes, more shoes, more trips, more you!!
distant but the rising sun, i'm aimless while writing about u!

HE IS ME AND I AM HIM!!

There is no love between me and you because i choose to believe that love does not exist. He chuckles. He stands up and looks me in the eyes, no tears, just a look of despair. I have denied him entry into the soul that he has been wanting for ages, a soul that has been yearning for its mate but yet i look him in the eye and tell him that i can't love him. that's not a sufficent reason he tells me. He tells me that the fact that i choose to believe that love does not exist is not a sufficent reason for us to go our seperate ways. and i admit to myself that its not. for the past few years he has been the every reason for my existence, my monotonus existence became a fullfilled life because of him. He continues to stare me in the eye. He knows how to look into the depths of my being, places i have never been before, he has been to since i've let him. The one thing that he wants i can't give and he can't take because he has to be permitted to do so. He pauses, looks around for a minute and says u write about me everyday so u've already opened the doors to your soul. Love does exist he says because you put pen to paper and write about me for hours at a time. love does exist since i am poetry and u have made me. to know me is to love me he says. and i admit to myself that he is true. the man i love is poetry and he has made me me. i love him as if he was my father, brother, husband, son because he is me and i am him
- OuT

I write of poetry as a man just to show the relation i have to it, i'm married to it. I will always see its feminine side because i'm female but for right now, my husband awaits!!

Happiness will be pursued but only possibly attained!!

i have this itch to move cities. Actually its an itch to move away from this continent. Going back to Africa sounds so good right now. it would be such a culture shock to go back to Asmara and see the cousins. i want to go to Cairo, maybe even, Abu Dhabi, the land of my birth and experience life all over again. everyday seems to run into the other nowadays, why do i feel like this??? 2006 has been a blessed year and i can only thank God for that, i had my ups and downs but God has shown me through the darkness into the light. I'm thankful for everyone around me and i pray for my loved ones. My prayers were getting a little selfish, i was only praying for myself. I pray for all the ones that i know because everyone deserves a prayer even me. So continue to pray for me.
i'm not happy with my weight anymore, i have to change it. i have to go back to my precollege weight. i can't help but look at pictures and cry sometimes. i have been complaining about not getting any attention from guys in the past year and the problem, i believe, is my weight gain. i can't lie to myself anymore, i just want to feel beautiful again, i just want to be comfortable in my own skin. its funny four years ago i would have looked at someone at my weight as being fat, now, i have to say that to myself.
What we will do for THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS!!!