Past couple of days.

I have been feeling lost these past couple of days, confused on what I'm going to do after graduation if I don't get a teaching job. I was thinking a lot about my dad last night because i still have some animosity towards him. Its been a year and a half since he passed away, its also been almost 17 years since i last saw him. My mother was my father and mother; she did a great job raising us. She deserves way better than what life has given her. Graduation is a celebration for her, not me. Hopefully she is proud of the girls that she raised.
I have a dream that one day............. I really don't know. I know I have a dream; I just can't seem to find it. I have not dreamt in such a long time; all my positive thoughts have become a distant and hazy memory.
All things, whether good or bad, come to an end.
I think i have lost faith!!

Life.....Death....Love......Hope.......Faith.......Happiness

Perception of Life changes with every year that ends, with every mission we embark on, we realize that our outlook on certain things change. I have grown into a completely different person. Mature yet childlike i believe. I still have a problem with acceptance. I want to be accepted by my family now more than ever. I don't even care about the outside world just my family. I am so different from everyone else, i feel that every time i turn around, i am being made fun off. I am still so very sensitive when it comes to my family , i can't help it though. I have forgotten how it feels to have faith and trust in somebody..... I'm way better than Abby..... but i'm getting there. Happiness has become a lost cause, a fleeting dream. Every morning i wake up to sirens in my ear telling me that i will amount to nothing. Should i believe that?? Should i believe that i will amount to nothing???
Weddings galore this summer and next year, I'm really not ready for the emotions!!!
Graduation around the corner warning me that i might be jobless come August!!!
I will officially go broke then.
I miss feeling wanted. I miss feeling appreciated.
I miss me. I have lost me somewhere in this world of many other me's and i can't seem to find me.
I can never figure it out.
Why is it that everyone has a boyfriend but me???
Sitting here daydreamin that love will eventually find me, the sad part is, i don't even know what love is anymore.
All hope is lost for this one.

Death is a way of life....My story is worth a verse.....Got this one from Mike-E when he did "Mezeker means to Rememeber" on Def Jam Poetry!!

in the event of the demise of the poet!!

in the event of the demise of the poet, i urge u to pick up a pen and write. write about your yesterday, your today and your tomorrow. since tomorrow was never promised to the poet realize that it is not promised to you either so just pick up a pen and write. write about the wrong doings of mankind towards the earth we walk on. write about polgamy, misgony and pornography. in the event of the demise of the poet, become the poet. realize that money isn't what makes the world go round, words do. write about the richness of the land of Egypt, write about racism. realize that race is a word constructed by a certain race to dominate another race, to make the other race weaker when really it is the other way around. write about the beauty of love. write about how u fell in love. write about how u feel out of love. in the event of the demise of the poet, i urge u to pick up a pen and write. realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder so your ugly is my beautiful. write about how ugly drugs are and how beautiful death is. write about how death can empower one to do better for themselves. realize that the death of the poet is what has made u the poet. in the event of the demise of the poet, i urge u to pick up a pen and write. write about your yesterday, your today and your tomorrow. since tomorrow was never promised to the poet realize that it is not promised to you so just pick up a pen and write.