If it was up to me

If it was up to me, my mom would be the Queen of Egypt, and i would be the courts official poet cause i was blessed by the God of the sun, moon and stars with the artistic ability to put words together and make something so intricate, so simple. My mom would be proud of her first born cause i would be nourshing our seemingly ignorant population with the knowledge of the ones that passed. If it was up to me, my mom would still be young with a husband who actually did not beat her because she took their kids on a trip since he could not do it. They would still be husband and wife, and I, would be their poetically inclined daughter recounting many books that i wrote, in my imagination, i would have seen my father before he passed to tell him what a punk he is, was and will continue to be. If it was up to me, i would have made sure that he didn't pick the easy way out, u see, death is the easy way out, but to me he died the day that i left him and never saw him again. To me he died, the day he gave up on the two daughters he had with this amazingly beautiful and strong Eritrean woman who would have done anything for their daughters. To me he died, like a man who had never lived therefore making him nonexistent in my existence. If it was up to me, i would be proud of who i am, my father's daughter but instead i deny the every drop of blood of his family in me cause he was never my father. If it was up to me, he would a joyous memory of love, hope and family but instead he becomes a memory that i want to flee cause he brings me nothing but heartache, despair and disillusion. If it was up to me, i would not be as cruel to him right now as he was to me.